On Maps

Maps are insanely deceptive. The real world hardly ever looks like what you'd expect from reading the lines on the page. What seems like a simple "go here, turn here, get there," or an even more straightforward "cross the street and boom, it's there," NEVER IS. Who put all these extra pathways and forks and buildings and vehicles in there anyway?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that when traveling, I'm invariably using maps that span a whole 4x3 inches on a guidebook page, maps that are crawling with colored bus routes, or maps given out by tourist offices that blare each tourist hotspot.

So combine the simplistic deceptive nature of maps with my complete lack of spatial judgment and you get today's adventure in Auckland…

After a morning with Scott in Davenport climbing Mt. Victoria, playing with large Mario mushrooms, and dropping curry chicken pies on the ground... Aaand after an afternoon in the Auckland Art Gallery listening to a spunky older woman give us a tour while huffing about how Pakehas get shafted for Maori rights… Today's late afternoon goal was to get from my hostel in Parnell (adjacent to the center of Auckland) to One Tree Hill and the surrounding park and observatory.

Step One. Get from St. Georges Road down to an area where 11 brightly colored bus routes converge, two of which should bring me by the upper end of the park. My previous day's walk to the Auckland Domain (another awesome park and museum) falsely convinces me that this is a short walk so I eschew the bright green Link bus that literally pulls to corner as I'm standing there in favor of walking.

My mistake? The walk to the converging routes is actually much much longer than it appears. And just because the lines are there doesn't mean that there are frequent stops along that colored line. I kept walking but couldn't find any bus stops. Neither could I figure out where the heck I was on the very un-detailed map. Desperate for a bus stop, I followed a bus turning down a street and promptly became even more lost and confused staring at the mocking map. I finally gave up and asked a kind Asian storekeeper for help. As it turns out, if I had just kept going on the original road I was on, I would have reached a very obvious bus stop in less than a block! Pfft.

Step Two. Get from this converging lines place down to One Tree Hill. "No problem!" I think. After all, the buses announce each stop and there's a road marked Greenlane West that goes straight through the park. I get on a bus and it trundles onward, but no detached voice helps my lost tourist self along. Does this bus just not stop? Did I get onto an express that goes for another hour?! Then it dawns on me. This isn't a bus frequented by tourists. People here know where they're going. No biggie. I'll just figure out where we are by the street names flashing by. But of course, my free maps are simplistic and cheerfully pretend these streets don't exist. Oh crap.

We halt by a stop named Comwell or Cornwall. Er, that sounds familiar. We pull away. Too late, I realize, "Shoot! That stop would have worked!" I stare hard at my bus map while hiding it beneath other papers in a sad attempt to mask the glaring fact that I'm a tourist. I glance up and out momentarily. "Greenlane West." We pull away. Sh**! That was my stop! We drive on and the surroundings become more and more residential. A litany of dang, crap and other four letter words surge through my head. A local bus rider requests a stop so I hop out behind her on a whim and trek back toward Greenlane West, shooting worried glances at the darkening sky.

Step Three. Get into the park from Greenlane West. Simple right? Greenlane West cuts right through the massive swath of green on the map. But all I see around me are walls. Where's the green!? I walk on doggedly, propelled by my distaste for backtracking. Surely I must have walked halfway across the green park by now. I sneak a peek at my map. I've walked a whole smidge. A tiny freaking smidge. I have a whole slew of smidges to walk before a road line crosses into the green.

But look! A map of green beckons from across the street! Surely a map of green will help me locate this green park I'm supposedly smack dab in the middle of.

I jab the crosswalk button and wait. And wait. And wait. And wait. Finally the little green man appears. Confidently, I stroll across to peer at the green map only to read "Pedestrians use other side." The green map helpfully details the manner in which the sidewalk ends in a smidge on this side of the road. "But, but, but I just came from the other side of the road," I protest pointlessly. Dejectedly, I jab at the crosswalk button yet again.

Many smidges later, the road crosses the entrance to the park.

Step Four. Get to the south end of the park where the observatory is before dark. It's an insanely gorgeous green tree-filled shady park. It would be relaxing but for the darkening sky and the lack of pedestrians save for a runner or two. Every person there was a local exercising with workout clothes and no bags save a stroller or two. With my long pants, heavy jacket and bulging backpack, I screamed tourist. And even more awkwardly, I screamed alone.

Further down the road, I engaged my bus map in another staredown, trying to determine whether the left fork or right fork would get me to the observatory. I start following the one person I saw with a backpack down the left fork, but change my mind two seconds later and double back to the right fork, then double double back to the left fork two more seconds later when I change my mind again. I'm so confused. Finally I stop to ask a nice Kiwi couple with a stroller for help and they point me down the right fork. "About twenty minutes," they say in their delightful Kiwi accent, "you can't miss it." Just follow the yellow brick road! (Grey paved actually, but doesn't yellow brick just sound more fun?)

Step Five. Follow the [yellow brick] road. Finally I start to relax and enjoy the park. Dang, I would totally exercise every day if I lived near this park! I pass by a wedding photo shoot, a (closed) visitors center, more runners, then suddenly, SHEEP! Incredible numbers of sheep! Right next to the path, a few on it, and multitudes scattered across the sloping greens on either side of the road. I stop and gape. Then my tourist nature takes over and out comes the camera, ready to roll. I squeal and eep and teehee audibly and quite uncontrollably. They were just so cute! And fluffy! And ridiculous! And slightly pathetic with their "mehhhh" baaaing bleats. Now that I actually want the sparsely populated surroundings that I encountered when I was lost and confused earlier on in the park, of course I'd get to the section heavily populated by locals exercising. Figures. My blantant tourist excitement would have to have as many local witnesses as embarassingly possible. I mean, my god, has this girl never seen a sheep before?

Whatever. I yoinked out my camera anyway, squealing, eeping and giggling the whole way through. Sheepies, you made my bus and map ordeal SO worth it!

(That last bit was for you, Mooder!)