Maybe it's being completely surrounded by artists (if you're sitting still for any length of time you're probably going to get drawn!). Maybe it's being in Italy (and visiting copious amounts of art museums). Maybe it's being completely immersed in art classes (no physics related courses for the first time in 5 years… my brain is awfully confused!). Maybe it's just that whipping out my sketchbook feels entirely natural. (It helps that this is the first time where I've been confident that my sketch will actually look semi decent!)
Whatever it is, this is the first time I actually feel like an artist, whatever that actually means.
Our field trip this weekend was to Volterra (blue pin) and San Gimignano (green pin)… Cortona is the yellow marker. For cities whose names you'll recognize… Pisa and Florence (Firenze) on the upper portion of the map!
I met an awesome artist named Antonio Breschi in San Gimignano. His store was very well set up and visually very appealing. (It had his sculptures and drawings as well as clothes by a designer named Louise Moller-Breschi. )
…Sei l'artista?
(trans. Are you the artist?)
...Mi piace [gesture to a beautiful image on the wall]!
(trans. I like [point at wall]!)
I missed the class on the use of piacere because I was sick so I have no idea if I said that correctly or not.
I got much farther with this conversation in Italian than the last artist I tried talking to in Italian in Arezzo a few weekends ago… Though that's probably due to the fact that Antonio spoke English (and understood when I accidentally slipped into Spanish) while the artist in Arezzo didn't speak any English at all. In Arezzo, the conversation got as far as me saying that I'm an art student (una studentessa d'arte) in Cortona and the artist saying that there's a great exhibition in one of the churches in Cortona. But when I attempted to say that I had just gone to see the exhibition two days ago and enjoyed it, I was entirely stumped and resorted to English with hand gestures, ending with a shrug and a laugh at the communication failure.
Antonio asked who I thought would win the election and at that point I abandoned all attempts at Italian. I can barely talk about politics in English much less try to take my fumbling and rather elementary thoughts about it into another language.
The conversation naturally turned back to art. He made a very good point about the whole "starving artist" concept that I really loved. An artist who isn't making it financially may be starving monetarily but there are many other ways that a person can be starved…. They can be starved culturally. They can be starved creatively. They can be starved by NOT doing what they would really love to do or what they would feel fulfilled by. So why is it that so much emphasis is placed on one form of starvation?
Well, that's not the best way to phrase it. Food and habitation are rather essential for actual physical survival. When I'm comparing monetary "starvation" to cultural and creative starvation I'm not taking the first "starvation" as literal starvation but as not having the job security that one would go into a "practical" major/job for. I'm writing about this entirely conceptually with no experience of having to worry about my day to day essentials entirely on my own. Maslow's hierarchy at work here. I'm in a privileged position. How can I even talk about comparing starvations?
I've just typed myself into confusion.
Basically, I never thought to think about choosing what to do with your life in terms of "starvation" in any area beyond the image of a poor starving artist. Take what you will from that.
Antonio studied to be a civil engineer. (I'm double majoring in physics! I told him excitedly, delighted to find another crossover.) He said something about how life and work are one thing and that you have to go into what you have a passion for, whether it's art, physics, politics, etc.
I'm not hugely passionate about art like some of the students here on the program or like Antonio. I definitely had issues with that at the beginning of the trip… lack of artistic self confidence if you will… feeling like I didn't really belong here because I'm not really an artist in the limited sense of someone who HAS to create art to feel fulfilled in their lives. I love and enjoy art but I hardly ever draw or do art outside of the classroom unless it’s a gift for someone. And to top it all off I am perfectly willing to create artwork geared towards what sells. (San Diego Comic Con art show anyone?) I had asked about some small works of Antonio's sitting off in a rather hidden corner and he had said (with a hint of bitterness) that he had put them there on purpose because he wasn't happy with them. When I asked why, he said it's because those pieces were his compromise to make something that sells and that he didn't like repeating himself and wanted to work with original ideas even if old ideas prove to sell better. I had actually been eyeing those little pieces because I could afford them at 10 euro rather than the gorgeous ink drawing on linen up on the wall that was going for 400 euro. And yes, I really would consider buying that piece. (I was very tempted to take a picture of the store (and conveniently the drawing as well) as I left but felt that would be disrespectful… Sad that he hated the idea of reproductions. I would definitely have paid for a postcard of the piece! Heh. I kept my mouth shut about that though.)
But... I'm learning more and more to accept myself as an artist outside of my initial limited idea of an artist. It's basically finding my own style of being an artist both in terms of what my art looks like and how I approach art. I had trouble sketching and drawing at first because I kept trying to follow styles that I liked of of other students whether it was linear, realistic rendering, graphic rendering, beautiful shading, etc… I'm a lot better now at just drawing without being so constrained by what I feel I should be doing. It's a lovely feeling! Stick my quirkiness into my drawings without thinking and suddenly things just work.
As far as being an artist, I think I need something a bit more diverse and combined than just art for the sake of art. (I went on a rant last week about art being pointless, self serving and too focused on innovation. I was in a bad mood. Don't mind me.) I also found myself missing physics a few weeks ago. Yes, me, actually MISSING physics! Remind me of that when I complain incessantly about Mechanics next semester. It was quite a delightful moment for me, realizing that I actually do like physics enough to miss it, and that I wasn't deluding myself the entire time that I was solely a physics major. I think the left side of my brain is starving right now. Britney (computer science) and I commiserated about this a few weeks ago... give us some freaking math/science problems to solve before our brains atrophy! Please!
My current thought: 3D animation seems like a very good fit for me. It's got technical aspects, physics, art, acting (if it's character animation at least), and stories and entertainment (if I go into animation for film).
It's definitely going to be weird to go back to Westmont and be surrounded by non art majors. I'm still going to whip out my sketchbook and draw anyone who's sitting still though (watch out studying people!). On the bright side, I'll be getting a good mix of areas to keep my entire brain happy! Several art classes (publication design, senior seminar and the senior project), mechanics (which probably applies to animation better than the majority of my other physics classes), acting (finally!) and scuba! I'll have an 8-5 Thursday with the addition of scuba, but since I have no Friday classes (a physics major with no Friday classes? Whaaat?), scuba is basically my end of the week fun. Whoot!
We have 26 days left before the program ends. 3 weeks left in Cortona. 2 weeks before the final exhibition/show of our work. Where has the time gone? And how on earth does one choose what to focus on with so little time left? My art? Learning more Italian so I can actually talk more with the locals? Soaking in as much of Cortona as I can? Spending as much time as possible with the wonderful people on the program? Sitting in the park and on the wall overlooking the valley and just being?
All of the above...
Because this post that was intended to focus on thoughts on being an artist ended up wandering all over the place. But that's just how it works... ramblings, a collection of my recent musings … all of the above!
